Top Chef - Masters of Illusion

We begin the second act of our culinary drama with card tricks. Why? Because apparently the theme of their Dim Sum Sunday was MAGIC!!

Or maybe it was Scary Eyes and goofy costumes, I don't know, Bravo was a bit vague in their weekly show memo. Pick a card, any card, it won't matter because each of you is getting a word to construct your dish around.

What? What is that BS? Qualities of magic? I hate this challenge already. It's the agonizing retooling of Top Chef Season 4's Improv episode where the chefs had to create dishes using word phrases like Purple Depressed Bacon and Magenta Drunk Polish Sausage as their inspiration. It was tortured then and adding the "magic" touch is not going to elevate the challenge into mastery. Nonetheless we head off to Whole Foods to watch the "illusion" of shopping.

Cheat sheets? Do Top Chef Masters really need production supplied cheat sheets? Ah the Magic of Reality-like TV.

Holy Daffy Duck, that's a huge chunk of foie gras.

If you haven't already figured it out, Shamu's judging criteria trifecta consists of crab, bacon and risotto. Finally they have spent all their money and it's time and head back to the kitchen to cook.

Gratuitous time lapse night shot.

Gratuitous Top Chef Guest Appearance.

Really, I have no clue why they thought this was necessary. He's not judging, he's not eating, he's certainly not a mentor to these chefs so I guess there's some contractual obligation he's required to fulfill. Or they're just trying to hold on to their Bear demographic.

When part of your prep work involves slathering burnable things with Sterno, you might have a problem. With wand waving and packing of magical kettles (and hopefully fire extinguishers) packed away, the chefs head for the Magic Castle.

After much silliness with moving portrait eyes and magic doors the chefs finally arrive at their kitchen for the night and final prep begins.

Yes Ladies and Gentlemen, we have our winner for the Mark "The Bird" Fidrych Award of the Culinary World. I present Ms. Anita "Speaks to Seafood" Lo.

Hurry up Anita, your diners await.

One of which is the very funny Neil Patrick Harris. If you only think of him as Doogie Howser then you're missing out on his Harold and Kumar work and the very funny Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog. He seems to be one of the few child actors who successfully made the transition to adult entertainment work. (We won't hold the magic thing against him.)

Mark is up first with his Mystery Dish. I really like that he made the diners work for their surprise. Who doesn't like lovely little grab bags of food?

Tai Snapper En Papillote with a glaze of Lobster and shellfish stock, Garlic Mashed Potatoes and Leeks, Scallion Oil and Dassai Sake. Mark is a talented showman and his presentation and food of Mystery is very well received.

John is up next and immediately puts Neil to work creating the magic of horseradish and crème fraîche sorbet with liquid nitrogen. Neil, however, seems more concerned that no peas and carrots are frozen or harmed in this experiment.

John presents Salmon Tartare with Cauliflower Blini, Cucumber Salmon Roe salad with the aforementioned sorbet and Tempura Fried Lobster wrapped in Smoked Salmon. The sorbet doesn't hit it off with anyone but the diners feel he hit the "Surprise" element of the challenge. I'm not surprised that my mouth is watering at the thought of Lobster Tempura wrapped with smoked salmon.

Anita goes next and I have a feeling the plating of this dish worked more in person than it did as television because I'm not getting the vibe of the presentation. Although I do have to say it's a fascinating reinterpretation of Surf & Turf and the integration of her word, Illusion. Daikon with Kombu Caviar, Steak Tartare with Seafood broth and oysters, mussels and clams. The diners are mostly positive except for a lone daikon exception.

Back in the kitchen, lighting of the Pink Flaming Spectacle that is Douglas's presentation begins. I know he was dead set on that flame but the smell and appearance of Sterno is not all that appetizing.

Duck 4 ways, from left to right, Oyster Cerviche with Duck Broth, Empanada with Foie Gras and Figs, Duck Breast on Butternut Squash puree, and last, the Duck Confit, Duck broth, young Coconut and cilantro. Everyone gets the "spectacle" of his presentation but were not exactly impressed.

Time to face the Judges.

Have I mentioned how much I love having Gail Simmons on this show? Even if she is just singing the Itsy Bitsy Spider song? I know it's not fair to compare the two Gails (Gael) but more and more I'm getting the feeling that Gael Greene is much more vibrant on paper than the picture we're getting on Top Chef Masters. She's been very polite, gracious and refined. Which is nice if you're at a tea party but it's been my impression that they chose her to judge because she was a no holds barred sort of gal when she was a food critic in NY. Not so much here. Gail Simmons on the other hand will tell you right to your face that your eggs were rubbery and nasty. I always get the feeling that Gail wants chefs to do their best but won't hesitate to tell them they didn't while Gael hasn't tapped into that passion and experience yet. I'm hoping she's taking notes because Gail Simmons is the one to watch, hat or no hat.

Judging runs along much the same lines as the Quickfire except that John actually completed all his dishes this time around. John and Douglas fall a bit short and Mark looks like he's giving Anita a run for the money but in the end she's the one who will move onto the next round.

That is if she can avoid being crushed in this group hug by her former competitors...

Separated at Birth?

You be the judge.

Earth Shaking Events

Ever have one of those moments that you'd thought you'd never see? Something so unexpected that you just sit there slack jawed, unable to move? I had one of those moments last night.

Kathy Griffin, she of "My Life On the D List" fame, was visiting Miami in last night's episode of her show. Doing all the crazy Kathy Griffin stuff she's known for. Her seriously lowballing a real estate agent to the tune of $16 million was particularly juicy. But it was her adventures in dining with Gloria Estefan and Rosie O'Donnell that had me wondering if the end times were indeed here.

The girls decide to have lunch at Gloria's restaurant, Larios. It runs along uneventfully, the girls ordering oxtails (Rabo Encendido) and Vaca Frita, everyone seeming to enjoy the authentic Cuban dishes. No problems.

That is until this dish arrives. Two innocent servings of flan. That silky smooth carmel custard with the soft caramel top. It's a dessert and we all know how much Rosie enjoys desserts.

This is the woman who had snack cakes placed under every audience member's chair back when she had her afternoon talk show. But Rosie can no longer hide behind her veil of Krispy Kreme donuts.

Rosie O'Donnell is a Flan-aphobe.

Did you ever think you would live to see the day where Rosie O'Donnell would refuse to even taste a dessert? A dessert served by Gloria Estefan in her own restaurant? Not only refuse it but fight off an smaller woman wielding only a spoon? She's fighting off that spoon like it was Trump's bad hair coming at her.

Dear Rosie, as one of the great eaters of our generation, we implore you.

Turn away from Flan-aphobia before it's too late.

Love, from your Foodie Fans

Dim Sum Sunday - Grilled Fruit

This Sunday's Dim Sum brought out the tropical in me. I chose a variety fruit for my grill, mangoes, bananas and some peaches thrown in for good measure. I made sure I picked under ripe fruit that would aid in the grilling process. The peaches were dressed with some balsamic vinegar while the mangoes were drizzled with pineapple juices. They came out beautifully. But what to pair this beautiful fruit with? After a little research I decided on black sticky rice.

While the sweet coconut milk makes the rice sticky it leaves the rice's nuttiness and crunch intact. The sweetness also contrasts the fruits smokiness. Although the next time I make this I might add a shaving of toasted coconut to the top. This is a wonderful summer dessert that I will certainly be adding to my recipe stash.

Food Porn

As any long time reader of the Karmic Kitchen knows I love the food porn. Unfortunately the food stills for previous seasons of Top Chef were not exactly pornorific. It's hard enough connecting with the food when the chef's dishes don't look their best. However with Top Chef Masters, Bravo seems to be stepping up to the plate and giving the fans something more. That something more is the fine work of Kelsey McNeal. Thanks Kelsey, just wanted to let you know that yes, sometimes we fans notice these things. BRAVO!

Top Chef Masters - The Incredible Edible Egg...Mostly

We are back to Top Chef Masters after a one week break and some technical glitches for yours truly.  Now that all the ghosts have been purged from the machine it's time to meet this week's Masters.

Say hello to Douglas Rodriguez, Anita Lo, Mark Peel and John Besh.  The only one who has been a guest judge on Top Chef is Besh, on Season 5.   He's also had quite a bit of experience over on the Food Network with Next Iron Chef and Iron Chef.  Will it help him?  Let's ask the Magic Eight Ball.

That was helpful.  Here's our perky hostess to reveal this week's Classic Quickfire Challenge.

Sweet, I loved this challenge back when they did it for the All Stars Episode between teams from Season 1 and Season 2.  Remember?

I thought you might.  Perfectly cooking an egg is hard enough, cooking an egg dish to compete against 3 other chefs is tough, even tougher with four servings in 25 minutes.  Now try it with one hand behind your back.  Go ahead, try it...just don't ask me to sample it.

Anita looks a bit dubious as to how she's going to pull this off.

Meanwhile Mark Peel shares with us that his dad was born with one arm and that those spectacular auditory sensory receptors were indeed hereditary.  

Anita gets a little help from her friends.

Besh seems to be on track with his tiny pots of eggs.

Yet Master Chef Mark Peel is really working this challenge for all it's worth with not only kneading dough...

...but also rolling it out!!

Sadly the same cannot be said for Besh as he can only manage one undressed, half baked egg dish.

I don't think our judges will look kindly upon that.  Who are our Quickfire Judges tonight?

All is right in my Top Chef world now that Gail Simmons is back at the Judges table. She's been with Top Chef since Episode One, Season One and I think she's the best permanent judge the show has had.  Plus you just don't mess with Gail's eggs.  Joining Gail at the Banquette of Scrutiny is Terry Reish, egg farmer and Monica May, Executive Chef at the Nickel Diner. 

We start our Egg-travaganza with Douglas's Open Faced Corn Cake with Scrambled Eggs and Ham.  The judges seem to like it but it's nothing spectacular. 

 Next is Mark's amazing fresh Duck Egg Pasta with Egg & Olive Oil Cream Sauce.  The judges like the tenderness of the fresh noodles but call out it's blandness. It's then that Mark realizes that he neglected to dress his dish with the olive oil thereby missing some extra zing.

Anita's beautifully presented dish of Soft Scrambled Eggs & Shitake Mushrooms with Truffle Oil and Oyster Sauce has the judges raving about both taste and presentation.

As expected no raving here.  And boy does it show in the scoring.

Chef Anita takes a commanding lead.  Next?

We try and figure how this guy escaped from Isengard.

Dim Sum Sunday - Grilled Fruit

We go back to the grill for this week's Dim Sum Sunday for a heaping helping of grilled fruit.  Stone fruit, melons or bananas are all good options to tickle you culinary taste buds.  If you need some inspiration check out this recipe for Grilled Watermelon.  See you Sunday.

Must Have

Because Lord knows you don't want your man's balls sticking to the grill.

Meatball griller from the Cooking Pusher Bots at Williams Sonoma.

Happy Independence Day

Dim Sum Sunday - Readers Choice

Dim Sum Sunday is taking a break this week but will return the following Sunday. While we wait, I'd love some reader's suggestions on the next Dim Sum Sunday theme. Leave a comment and you may see your suggestion produced by our talented fellow foodie bloggers.

The Offal Truth

Oh what a tangled web we weave,

When first we practice to deceive!

Sir Walter Scott

For the Elimination Challenge our four chefs have to get down and dirty and sell their dishes to the real people of Hollywood. Or as real as they get in LA. The twist is the protein. Offal.

A friend of mine asked me if this version of Top Chef was more difficult than the challenges of 5 seasons of regular Top Chef? I would have to say yes. This challenge in particular is the reason why. The producers are basically doubling up on the elimination challenges. You've got a street food challenge (Season One and the Forgotten Jicama) which means that not only are you making the food in a less than optimal environment but you've also got to sell your food to a doubtful public. Doubtful why? Because you're not selling ordinary street food, you're selling offal street food. How often in America will you find willing participants to eat cow's stomach cooked outside a clean kitchen? For most Americans it's about two steps away from Bourdain choking down warthog anus in the African bush.Ludo, let's hope it never comes to that. Three hundred dollars to shop for additional ingredients and three hours to cook and pack. Shopping goes much smoother for these chefs then previous chefs since they actually ASK where items might be located. Like hominy.

Or Cheese.Or Irony.

(Thank you TV Gods for the Crazy Frenchman with the Bad Haircut and the Shifty Eyes)
Yes, thank you so much, been there, been called that. Moving on.
Their three hours of prep time begins and Wilo seems to be making a drastic move from Masters cooking to Michael Midgley Mayo Mastery 101. Nothing says American cuisine like smothering something with mayo or ketchup. Or mayo AND ketchup.
What is the French translation for "In the Weeds"?
Universal Studios is the "street" where our chefs will be cooking.
WARNING - ASSHAT ALERT!
This is a Test of the ASSHAT ALERT SYSTEM. When an asshat appears, here's a sample of what you might encounter.
"Come on Rick, slip me some tongue?"
WHAT? You don't think Gael Greene hasn't been slipped some tongue?

THIS COMPLETES OUR TEST OF THE ASSHAT ALERT SYSTEM

Meanwhile back at the Isle of Gael.
Ludo tries his hand at diplomacy.
French diplomacy.

Time for Judgements.
Cindy's Menudo, which I thought was a crazy choice for an LA morn seems more appropriate after seeing both the tourists and the judges layered in jackets and scarves. The judges however wanted a bit more of a gut punch of spice.
Ludo's Pork Ear Quesadilla with Chorizo, Pinto bean puree, Lime Aioli and smoked paprika doesn't exactly wow the judges. A grilled cheese with Pig's ear is the best they can do.
Rick's Tongue Tacos with Chorizo, bacon, guacamole and pickled onions leaves Gael Greene wanting more.
Wilo's Beef Heart Tripleta with Ham, Chicken and a cheese sauce in Pita gives the judges too much topping and not enough toast on the bread before getting to the heart. Still they seem to enjoy the flavors.
The Chefs retire to the Wine Cellar Stew Room (which they always seem happy to see) while the Judges further gnaw on their decisions. They can gnaw all they want but as soon as Gael spoke the words "...and Rick used bacon..." it was all over. Sure, play your little game with the Counting of the Stars but you know that Baconized Dish won the day.
As for this man?
While he might still be a little young, we'd love another serving of this fine French cheese.

Dim Sum Sunday - Summer Blockbusters

If you want to get down and dirty with Summer Blockbuster food, you've got to go where the Blockbusters are playing and that means the cool dark theater of your local movie house. Oh my how things have changed.
Well, no, the markup on traditional movie snacks is the one true constant. That will never change. But there are options to a ten pound bag of stale greasy popcorn and gallon jug of high fructose corn syrup. Crank open that wallet and prepare for the VIP Room experience.My first stop of the weekend was the Power and Light District, the engine driving Kansas City's downtown renaissance. AMC Theaters, which was founded in Kansas City in 1920, decided to save and renovate the old Main Street theater.
As part of that renovation AMC split the viewing experiences into traditional auditoriums and Cinema Suites. Twenty dollars for a ticket for a reserved seat but that includes a ten dollar voucher towards their Cinema Suites menu. The menu is fairly extensive for movie grub. There's all the normal bits and bites of popcorn and candy but there's also hot sandwiches, appetizers, entrees, salads and desserts. Don't forget the free refills on the non-alcoholic drinks and the unending popcorn bowl.
Arriving later than I hoped put me in a bit of a bind. Fork and knife dining in the dark is not something I'm adept at so I decided to go simple on the food. In addition to the popcorn I chose the Chicago Brew Dog with Waffle Fries. They make the food to order so it's nice and hot when it arrives at your plexi-plastic swing arm dining tray.
The waffle fries were nicely fried and easy to eat while watching the movie. My hot dog was another matter. I had no quarrel with the juicy thick skinned meat dog itself but the Bun Incident ruined it. If your hot dog bun is split on both sides, it makes juggling your dog with it slippery condiments a circus act. I stabbed the bugger with a fork and ate it naked.The popcorn was equally disappointing. Stale with no hot butter. Not to mention the guilty feeling of not even being able to eat half the amount served. I will say that the red leather recliners were deep and comfy. Plenty of table and tray space for your food, salt, pepper and ketchup on side table and a naturally placed drink holder in the arm rest complete your dining package. And how was the movie The Proposal? Sandra Bullock wears some nice shoes...

Blockbuster Movie Food Night Two found me at the Cinemark Theater at the Plaza, Kansas City's landmark shopping attraction. Their VIP Room at the Palace is apparently their only venture into the dining movie watching experience. Their menu is limited to the regular concession choices and a handful of appetizers and desserts. They seem more geared to the bar experience more than AMC's Fork and Knife focus.
Again finger food seems to be a good choice for movie watching food. Southwestern Chili Eggrolls were hot both in spice and temperature. Ranch dip was the only choice of dipping sauce but there were more than enough sauce and rolls to share with your movie watching compadre.
Like AMC, Cinemark has the free refills on non-alcoholic drinks. Their popcorn, however, kicked AMC's stale butt right out the door. Hot, crunchy, buttery with just the right amount of salt, I did do some serious damage on that bucket and experienced no guilt whatsoever. Cinemark might want to think about upgrading their VIP Room experience. With AMC getting into the market, Cinemark's twenty dollar ticket with no food voucher, less comfy seats, smaller tray options and a much smaller menu puts them seriously behind in the drive for upscale movie patrons.
As for the movie, The Transformers, Rise of the Fallen, let's just say I'm not a fanboy geek but I would have to believe that even the fanboy geeks think the two hour and thirty minute run time of this Michael Bay monstrosity is about two hours too long. Happily I wouldn't know what fanboy geeks do think since both movie food experiences restrict patrons to 21 and older. Sorry crying babies, seat back kicking toddlers, and sullen teenagers, your mommy and daddy will have to take you some place else. Movie waiter, where's my apple sauce?